Posted by SleepyTimeGal on July 31, 2003 at 11:21:01:

In Reply to: CPAP bad, surgery good? posted by BB on July 30, 2003 at 20:44:15:

Re your wife, I kinda think it's a case of, if you haven't been there, you don't have a clue, and even if you have been there, it's hard to be sympathetic when you see the lawn going to seed, the water bills mounting because the faucet is STILL leaking, the car needs to be taken in for service, the guy can't even remember to call in his own prescriptions, for heaven's sake, let alone pick them up!!

I've had my share of disabling maladies and been pretty close to non-functional with pain and/or exhaustion, so when Himself was diagnosed with degenerative disk disease, I can well understand or imagine what he's going through, but I still have to catch myself and put a lid on it when I want to tally up all HIS shortcomings.

I like the suggestion a couple others have made of reminding the significant other that, "It's hard to feel rested after having a night's sleep interrupted 200 times -- in an 8-hour span, that's 25 times an hour, or a little more than once every three minutes. That's the equivalent of someone shaking your shoulder and trying to rouse you every three minutes all night long, every single night."

I know it sounds redundant to break it down in such detail, but if a person has hadn't to deal with some of these realities, the words have no meaning.

At worst, all you can do is finally say, "I would like to do it, I wish I could do it, I cannot physically do it. I am not able. I am doing everything I can do, I cannot do more."

That's been hard enough for me to learn to say; I can imagine many men find it impossible to choke out the words.

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