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Sleep Apnea
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I have felt so alone

Posted by sleeplessinseattle on April 24, 2007 at 17:33:29:

I think I have had osa all my life, actually I know I have. Ive been diagnosed for depression numerous times, and then thyroid disease was discovered and that then became the catch all diagnosis. Even when my thyroid was regulated and I was still exhausted- it was then attributed to depression{ my family went through numerous tradgedies within a 5 year period} so for a while I accepted depression , took the pills and waited to feel better. I did feel better, but I was stillso tired. I just thought that this was how my life was- I would have a good week or two and then I would feel like I was getting the flu, really tired, lethargic etc.... I left numerous jobs- really good jobs, over the last few years. I made excuses for why I had to leave, too much stress, too long of a commute etc.... when the bottom line was I was tired - so tired that I would barely make it home from work and be out for the night. Every job was like that, I changed hours,I even changed professions , nothing worked. How do you explain something you dont understand yourself- people would ask me what was/is wrong, I would resond" Im tired"- never failed, I heard -" oh yeh, me too"- to the point that I wanted to scream" really,is it ruining your life?" I have 4 children 18,11,9,7- I did the up all nights, 3 in diapers at the same time- this is different. I tried to tell my doctor something was wrong, I shouldnt be this tired, and Im not depressed, I am tired. He said he really didnt think it was apnea,so he sent me to a cardiologist, who ran a series of expensive tests { that I cant afford since I am once again unemployed AHHHHH} only to finally decide to have me take a sleep test. I have osa- he said I am the poster child for "not judging a book by its cover" I am 37 yrs old, 5`6 119 lbs, I dont fit the profile for severe osa. Since then its been a long and tiring journey. I have tried the cpap, bipap- I cant tolerate either one, and I take them off in my sleep.I had another sleep study done last week and my osa has gottem worse, so I am going in to meet with a surgeon tom. I have a very narrow airway and a large uvula, good times !!!!! Its gotten to the point now that I really have no quality of life. I am on a perscription " upper" to help me with daytime sleepiness, but it makes me sick to my stomach, I have my trusty lunesta to help me get to sleep { which I think is the cruelest irony of all, an exhausted insomniac} Go figure. I know I probably sound like Im just venting, and maybe I am,but I hope my rant serves a purpose, what Im hoping for is that someone will read this and relate- say : Oh wow, that sounds just like me". Because I feel like Im going crazy, Ive blamed myself for all of this for so long, and even though I now have a diagnosis, in alot of situations I have found that is still not enough. If it was cancer, or ms, or I had some kind of rash I could point to and say" see, that is why Im so tired" I feel like people would be more understanding - this ,whatever it is that causes osa, has dominated my life, to the point that lately, I just dont even have one. If you can relate to any of this, please let me know and thank you for your time.

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  • Sleep Deprivation due to Sleep Apnea and insufficient sleep are common and can present as insomnia, narcolepsy, or idiopathic hypersomnia. In infants and children sleep problems commonly present themselves as ADD or ADHD.


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