Posted by SleepyTimeGal on October 02, 2008 at 10:52:45:In Reply to: apnea & aggression posted by concered partner on September 29, 2008 at 05:51:25:
Repeated public displays of verbal aggression that you find increasingly difficult to deal with are unacceptable no matter what the cause. It is up to you to draw the line and stick to it. My suggestion only: discuss it with him calmly, without blaming or berating him, at a time when you are both calm and tell him it's unacceptable and you will not tolerate it. At the same time, plan an exit strategy for the next time it happens and stick to it. Make a plan to leave the store, restaurant or wherever as soon as it starts, call a taxi and leave and then follow through. His response to your behavior should tell you quite a lot. If his level of aggression increases (e.g.,he tries to physically prevent you from leaving or there's a huge, ugly scene when he returns home), then there is a bigger problem than his sleep apnea.
I repeat, it is up to you to draw the line and make it happen. Yes, it may cause a public scene, but he's already creating a scene with his verbal abuse. This really does fall under the heading of domestic violence and as long as you tolerate it, make excuses, try to be "understanding and patient," it will continue. Good luck to you.