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Re: wife of sleep apnea candidate-my apnea and my husband's


Posted by Lisa O. (Gig Harbor, WA) on September 25, 1998 at 21:51:41:

In Reply to: wife of sleep apnea candidate posted by Therese on September 25, 1998 at 06:51:27:

Dear Therese,
Oh, reading your post and the responses you got made me want to cry.

I think I am on both sides of the bed here, so to speak. I have been using CPAP a month and so gradually I have barely noiced I am getting better. I went to the fair with my family twice in a week and was still walking. I got a part time job (stessful!) and have not quit, exhausted. Tonight, I cleaned both my bathrooms and I was looking at them trying to figure out where I had missed because I was still moving and hadn't collapsed. I thought I must have a part left to clean because I had energy left over!

I have all the symptoms you have read about--had denial that I would have to do CPAP for 3 months after diagnosis, lack of sex drive (still), lack of time spent with my 5 year old son and my hubby. Getting better is so slow.

One thing that is happening now that I am getting better is that I am realizing my husband also has apnea and he won't get it treated. He always said he was tired because of my sleep behavior but I watch him sleep. He has always snored, even after emergency removal of tonsils, even after removal of polyps. He stops breathing, snorts and gasps. I can see his tongue way back there when his mouth is open. I watch his stomach and neck as the muscles strain as he tries to breathe.

Our ENT wants to correct his deviated septum and do what I think is a U3P. He thinks Jim has 90% chance of getting better. Jim won't consider CPAP he is *incredibly* claustrophobic. I have made him 2 appointments and he has canceled them both.

He is tired. And now I know it isn't my fault but I love him and I worry for him, as you must also worry about your spouse. Take care of yourself. Did you know it is okay to see a counselor just to vent our stress? Think of what it costs as a way to take care of yourself! You should be so proud at how you have asserted yourself to care for your family and get care for your husband. He may not be able to do it for himself yet. He may be in denial or scared or threatened or just too darn tired to motivate himself. He might be depressed. It is hard to feel as if you are having to care for everyone else. Make sure you eat well and sleep well and do a nice thing for yourself everyday!

I am glad you posted here. We understand how it is for you and I hope you will be back reading and posting in the future.
Lisa : )

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