Posted by Beth on September 26, 1998 at 07:38:36:

In Reply to: Re: wife of sleep apnea candidate posted by LAWRENCE on September 25, 1998 at 16:16:56:

Therese - hugs to you, hon! And hang in there. My husband (Michael - peacfulrvr@aol.com) has OSA, as I'm sure you're now aware. He replied to you earlier.

All of the feelings you've been feeling - and I mean ALL of the feelings, i.e., frustration, loneliness, anger - have been a part of our lives pretty much since we have been together.

Michael evidently has had some form or other of SA since he was a child (more than likely Central apnea then), but was not diagnosed definitively until about 6-7 years ago (we were not together at that time).

We met about 3-1/2 years ago when he was starting to go through a nasty divorce (in which the apnea did NOT play a part). This divorce is what the majority of his problems at that time were attributed to - the restlessness, the depression, the crying (yes, there was some of that), the incredible lack of libido. And, of course, me being me, I believed that the eventual lack of interest in making love was because of me -- that I had done something wrong. I was desperate. I was lonely. And most of all I was mad! This was the man that I had pledged the rest of my life to, who had been so tender and caring before and who was now taking no interest in me whatsoever. I felt so lonely.

He had already lost one job due to "lack of work performance." And at the time neither of us attributed it to his OSA. We just thought it was residuals of the divorce.

Well, now his current job was in jeopardy for the same reasons. But, this employer decided that they had invested enough in him that they didn't want to let him go without a fight. So they sent him to the Employee Assistance Program here in our city and Michael started talking with a counselor. I can't remember how often at first, but he would come home a little better because he'd been able to get some things off his chest.

The counselor suggested that he see our family physician and try some different remedies. He was tested for diabetes and several different problems (all the while we knew he has SA). They put him on Ritalin, which worked for awhile - but then it just quit, like someone had flipped a light switch.

Finally they started discussing his sleep problem and the counselor suggested that he contact the doctor again about this problem, which he did. This time our doc referred him to a pulmonologist here in town who specializes in SA - both obstructive and central - and he set up the first test for Michael that he'd had in several years.

Michael's original setting on his machine was a 7, which was very mild, and they soon found during his sleep study that he was still having upwards of 60 episodes of apnea every hour at this setting. His episodes dropped to around 2 when they finally moved the setting up to 22 (which was like having the wrong end of a vacuum cleaner blowing up your nose - literally!), so that's where they decided to place him. He was at the highest setting out of his doctor's more than 2,000 patients in this region!

We tried this for awhile. I say "we" because I had to live with it too! It sounded like we had a wind tunnel in our bedroom every night with this machine blowing so hard. Michael would fight having to put that blasted head gear on - it drove him nuts. But it drove ME nuts when he wouldn't wear it.

He had managed a few times and I knew what it was like to have my husband back again - the old loving, caring, romantic Michael. (I love you, honey!) But he couldn't stand it.

Finally I went with him to his appointment and I "made" him talk about some issues with the doctor. He's always kind of hesitant. (He knows me - if he hadn't said anything, *I* would have!) We had his two little boys with us and he hadn't wanted to talk about the surgery. The doctor brought it up in passing and I kinda forced Michael to run with the ball and get more info - even if his boys were sitting right there.

The surgery would be a tracheostomy, with a tube semi-permanently inserted in his trachea so he could sleep unobstructed every night, which would definitely be a blessing. My thoughts were, oh, God, how do I live with this? But I told him that no matter what, I would still be there - even learning to clean the tube if necessary.

However, the doctor wanted to try one more sleep study, because the previous one had shown that his apneic episodes also dropped at settings of 12 and 15. (He has approximately 92 episodes an hour without using the CPAP machine.) So once again he was off to spend the night at the hospital.

This time they decided to drop his setting from 22 to 12 and hopefully it would work for him.

Now the only problem we have is getting him to use it. He still has a hard time putting that mask on -- but I will roll over in the night and pat him on the head and say, "honey, gonna put that mask on?" Usually he'll chuckle and say, "yeah," then he'll drift off to sleep again -- waking up later and finally putting it on.

However, one good thing is that when he does use the machine throughout the night, his libido is MUCH better! And I'm beginning to have my husband back again. Because he has more energy for all the things we enjoy doing together (not just merely making love).

The one factor, like someone else mentioned, is the weight gain due to the problem. Be aware that it is likely to happen - and rapidly!!! He gained 60 pounds in under 4 months. And, unfortunately, I gained some of those pounds with him because we neither one were as active anymore. But hopefully with time and him getting more sleep we'll both begin to lose again.

If you need to talk, cry, yell, whatever, please just let me know. I know what it's like to be on the other side of OSA.

Beth ö¿ô

Follow Ups:

• Re: wife of sleep apnea candidate Therese 9/26/98 (0)

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