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A Typical Night in the Life of an Insomniac


Posted by Lori on September 04, 1998 at 06:15:41:

It's 2:00 a.m. You've been lying awake since 11:00, when you turned out your light and prepared for bed. I'm going to sleep well tonight, you told yourself. Three hours later, after tossing and turning, getting up four times to "start over", watching T.V. or reading a book, and checking the clock every ten minutes, you still aren't sleeping. You begin to worry about the meeting you have at 8:00 a.m., or the errands you have to run, or any number of other tasks which MUST be completed the next day. You can't understand why sleep eludes you - you took your medication hours ago. Two more hours pass, and you begin to bargain with the devil, willing to sell your soul for a few hours of sleep. At some point you drift off for a while, only to be rudely awakened by the dreaded alarm clock. Your head feels fuzzy, you may feel a little sick to your stomach, and you figure out ways to get an extra five minutes of sleep. I can make it on time if I don't spend five additional minutes in the shower, or iron my clothes, you say to yourself. You're late anyway. The day passes in a fog - you're irritable, can't concentrate, feel helpless and hopeless, and pray for work to be finished for the day. Atleast I'll sleep better tonight, you convince yourself.
Bedtime rolls around again. You're exhausted, but sleep won't come. The whole nightmare repeats itself.
Does this sound familiar? Many of us live with this every day. We've followed doctor's orders, compiled information from other people dealing with the same thing, and still have to suffer each day of our lives. We're so desperate to get some rest we don't know what to do. We run to the doctor or the health food store every single time we hear about the latest miracle cure.
I really wouldn't wish this on anyone, with one exception. For any person who treats us unfairly, or cruely in some cases, I wish for them a few nights of what we deal with. I wish each person who says, "Just close your eyes and go to sleep", or "Why are you acting so weird?" could have a few sleepless nights in a row just to see how weird they would act. Sleep deprivation has become our way of life. As Susie said in another posting, we live with a handicap as serious and debilitating as any condition I can think of. The only difference with insomnia is that the general public can't SEE it, so they dismiss it as some horrible mental defect, and turn the other way to avoid it.
It's a sad commentary on the mindset of the more intolerant members of our society. This forum provides the opportunity to share our stories, make suggestions, and vent our frustrations. We listen when no one else will.

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