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Re: Re: Re: Re: I've Come To A Conclusion.

Posted by nakk on September 17, 2002 at 16:48:12:

In Reply to: Re: Re: Re: I've Come To A Conclusion. posted by Ellie on September 17, 2002 at 16:09:21:

Oh. gosh, Ellie, you are sooo lucky to have children!

I'm 36 and have wanted kids all my life. I wish i had married before i got into all this sleep craziness 1o years ago, becuase i just can't see being able to do so now.

I used to have the most active social life and had no problem attracting men, etc. But now, the years of sleep deprivation, medication use, and a host of other problems have severly reduced my attractiveness and my confidence, and can't imagine anyone who i would be attracted to actually liking me.

To answer your question about meds, yes, i've tried just about everything over the past several years to help me sleep, and either the clinical effects of the drugs do nothing for me, or thier side ffects are intolerable.

i'm right now on the protocol i've found most acceptable--5oomg serzone and 50 mg trazodone, both of which are sedating anti-depressants. I"ve been on them for a few years, but have now gotten to the point where i'm tired of the inconsistent benefits they offer.

I just met with my dr today and i think i'm going to have to next try Remeron, but not for a month or so until i'm ready. I'm terrified of the weight gain. no matter how mmuch it helps my sleep and keeps my depression at bay, if i gain lots of weight on it, there's NO WAY i could ever be happy. no way no how.

i've wanted to give up on the struggle so many times, but i just love life itself so much, and stupidly assume things will get better.

what makes all this even more hard to swallow is that i'mn the yongest of 6 kids, and i'm the only one with problems sleeping--they all sleep peacefully every single night, no matter how busy their lives are and have much they have planned they following day.

i can't even sleep well the night before my nieces birthday party!!!

sorry to go on and on, but i'm having one of my bad, sleep-deprived, ugly miserable days, guess i need to vent to someone who can relate.

nakk


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