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Posted by s. gerhard on January 03, 1999 at 06:48:45:In Reply to: Re: Success story posted by Jessie on December 29, 1998 at 04:53:46:
Yes! I resonate a lot with your comments. I too rarely post on the insomnia forum anymore, mainly because I am too burnt out. Also, I mailed to Meg and we spoke at length, but I am unsure as to where the media is getting involved. I would love it if they did, because I think it would be helpful. My own despair is too great for a forum, any forum, because often I've felt quite suicidal. Fortunately, I am having a baby now, and that joy is the only thing that can keep me going. Yes, I still take sleeping medication, under the watchful eye of my doctor, but I am very careful to try and stay regular about it. Sometimes I sleep deeper because I am pregnant, sometimes I am as much of a zombie as ever.
My biggest problem now, with medication, seems to be waking up. I went to bed, exhausted, at eleven pm last night, and woke up at two thirty. This is a good night for me. Any sleep is a good night. From two thirty to six am I lay in a daze, like I always do, uncertain of whether I was asleep or awake, certainly very cognizant of my body, and outside noises, but also in a state of dreaminess and hallucination. Of course, I thought I was wide awake until I heard my boyfriend listening to the TV in the next room, and started hearing popping noises, and saw a computer sitting in the corner of my room, none of which was possible, and this made me sit up in bed, and realize I must have been in some sort of dream state. What that state is though is confusing to me.
I would like to sleep without pills, but the best I can achieve is a few hours of strange hallucinations with an altered state of consciousness. Usually, when I take my sleeping pills I do fall unconscious (thank God, that's the only time I ever feel rested the next day) but only for a few short hours. Then I start dreaming really really hard, and I always realize I am dreaming so I wake up. Then I fall into that strange state that I can't get out of. I still try and escape it, only to think I am getting up over and over again, and I am not.
For months I have sought insight on the Net, but I would always appreciate more.
Any thoughts.
- Re: Success story Meg 1/15/99 (0)
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