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Re: Reply to sparky (& others.)

Posted by Sparky on February 27, 2004 at 08:14:45:

In Reply to: Reply to sparky (& others.) posted by Steveo on February 27, 2004 at 06:34:00:

SteveO, I guess it's different for everyone but it sounds like it hit you suddenly which is what happened to me. It had always taken me longer than most to get to sleep and I am an anxious person so I guess it was just a matter of time. I am getting better with the anxiety with age.

If, as I assume might be the case, your insomnia is anxiety-based, perhaps I can offer you some insight.

Insomnia is now a matter of sporadic bouts and the space between bouts grows over time. In the beginning, I was completely consumed by fear at the thought of never again sleeping and I would think about this all day long. I also remember getting overly excited (almost manic although I'm not) after a night of good sleep and then not sleeping the next night and being a mess again.

At first, I missed some work and considered whether or not I should leave may job. I spent a lot of time soul-searching and in the end concluded I'm not so bad and really have nothing that I should be that anxious about. I was at the same time giving up on social activities or anything in the evening basically starting to give up on life.

One day, I forced myself to go for a run. It felt horrible but in a symbollic way I felt like I was taking back my life. Most of the next six months was a protracted slow ascent from the worst part (although it was definitely a repeated forward-back ascent). In the interim, I used small nightly doses of Xanax to help me relax. I never used more than a few days in a row for fear of dependancy. On occasion, I still use Xanax or Ambien but not very frequently. I had a great deal of guilt at first over using anything.

So I guess the first thing I would say is don't stop living your life, you can't succumb to the fear. Get out and see your friends or family even if it's not comfortable at first. And when you go to bed, tell yourself that you're going to survive even if you don't sleep and try to be indifferent about the end goal being sleep. Personally, when I was bad I would get sleep when I could. Sometimes I could only fall asleep for a few minutes during the day watching TV but so be it. And keep in mind, it's probably going to take a while to get out of this rut even if your mindframe were to change overnight.

I really thought I would never be normal again and that didn't change until I decided I wasn't giving in to this oppponent. To tell you the truth, I think my own stubborness helped me out.

Sparky

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