Insomnia Forum Posting

Posted by Tom-N-Texas on January 24, 2005 at 13:48:10:

In Reply to: A question for Tom-N-Texas posted by Seeking sleep on January 24, 2005 at 07:30:24:

Seeking sleep,

Well first of all I'm glad you've gotten something out of my posts. I hope I can say something that will actually help you.

To answer your first question. To an extent, I think we may always be inclined to dwell on our sleep more than the average person. I've been "cured" for a couple years now but I still think about it every day. (Proven by the point that I post here all the time). Honestly my experience was so horrific that I doubt I will ever stop thinking about it. Even to this day, when I lay my head down at night, that's the first thing I think about: "Am I going to sleep tonight?"

That's the "bad" news. The GOOD news is now I don't try to fight having those thoughts because even though they're there, they don't prevent me from sleeping. They are part of me...And they probably aren't going away. But so what? Sometimes I might even mock the situation and say "Yea I may not sleep tonight, but you know what? I take can take comfort in the following:

1. I'll never take another drug again.
2. I'll never have a re-bound insomnia again
3. I'll never have indecision or regret about what I put in my body.
4. I will never again physically walk on eggshells for this condition because it accomplishes nothing.
5. Whatever sleep I get is REAL sleep, not the fake, drug-induced "trance" that many medications put me in.

These are all REAL FACTS that I remind myself of. They're not opinions. They're not theories. They're facts about my new life that insomnia will never be able to counteract.

Do I have still have bad nights? Yes, of course. I probably have at least two or three sub-par sleep nights per month. Occasionally I'll get no more than 2 or 3 hours sleep. Luckily I don't pull many all-nighters anymore. One thing I've noticed is if I spend too much time on the computer at night, it effects my sleep. Especially if I work right up until bedtime. (I own a business and always have at least 2 hours of bookkeeping each night.) So I try to give myself at least an hour of tv watching/unwinding before I turn off the light.

The thing is, I think it's fairly normal to occasionally sleep sub-par. To sleep perfectly every night would almost be non-human. Just like we're not always in a good mood. Or not always feeling well. I think it's just a fact of life. My wife (a great sleeper) occasionally has sub-par nights...as does her "good-sleeping" Mom and Dad....and my "good-sleeping" Mom and Dad.

Your last question about hanging on to my theory of "not letting insomnia rule my life" when times get tough. You have to know that I had changed my life in a hundred different ways to in an attempt to get some sleep. (All these have been documented in previous posts.) My life was merely a shadow of what it once was. The thing is, now when I don't sleep, I STILL FEEL TERRIBLE. I still feel frustrated and confused and mad and sad. But the difference is, I finally have stopped trying to figure out why. I have stopped analyzing. And I have stopped investigating. I now know (after tons of unproductive analyzation) the answer is probably unattainable.

So now, I just go with it. Fear is still in me, but it doesn't affect me too much anymore because I now know the whole story. I know how constant internet investigations helped destroy me. I know how changing my bedtime to 8 or 9 pm destroyed me. I know how constantly complaining to my wife destroyed me. I know how putting my life on hold destroyed me. I know how thinking a turkey sandwich could help me at night destroyed me. I know how over-analyzing things destroyed me.

I still say the biggest and best thing I did for my recovery was to know and BELIEVE that a changed life and a changed mind-set would ultimately change my sleeping habits. And I was right. As you know, fear sometimes makes a bad situation snowball into a worse situation. But the good news is it works the other way around as well. CONFIDENCE can snowball into a giant avalanche of good sleeping. But it all starts with a small little seed of hope and belief in success.

Good luck, Tom

Follow Ups:

• Re: A question for Tom-N-Texas Seeking sleep 18:14 1/24/05 (1)
  • Re: A question for Tom-N-Texas Tom-N-Texas 19:18 1/24/05 (0)

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