Insomnia Forum Posting

Posted by Seeking sleep on January 24, 2005 at 18:14:15:

In Reply to: Re: A question for Tom-N-Texas posted by Tom-N-Texas on January 24, 2005 at 13:48:10:

Tom -

Thanks so much for your thoughtful answer. I wish I could make a leap and be where you are already. I feel close.... just not quite there yet.

I totally agree with how pointless many of these self proclaimed exercises that are supposed to cure the insomniac. You know, like you I used to go for a run very close to bedtime and then sleep like a champ. I used to have chocolate in the evenings and not give it a second thought. I used to enjoy wine without wondering if it would bounce me awake sometime in the middle of the night. As I said to my husband (a great sleeper like your wife) today, is that all I want is the old me back. I was fun, and funny and positive. This sleep thing has at times convinced me that I have gone crazy. It truly, and I know you know this, turned me into a different person. I think that anytime you have a tape of constant worrying playing ALL THE TIME in the back of your mind, it's bound to make you lose it. I've started feeling like I'm getting back to normal and then last night through me a bit. I spent much of the day today paralyzed by fear. I'm feeling better tonight although I've still got the "What if I wake up and can't go back to sleep?" question playing in my head. I have sleep maintainence issues these days.

I would like the courage to get off of my Trazadone. It's not physically addictive but I know that I'm psychologically dependant and just that little bit of dependance causes me to doubt my own ability. Plus, I've taken enough drugs in the past to know that I can stay awake through anything if the fear is really strong. The Traz helps but I know I have to be willing to get on the ride.

One question I have, did you get in the habit of getting out of bed when you started obsessing. I pretty much have to in order to start to think straight again. Did that help you?

Ultimately I agree that you just have to decide to not be that person anymore. My last major bout was 2 years ago and I thought I was going ot seriously die. But all of a sudden I saw very clearly what I was doing and I remember saying, "This is a load of crap - I'm not this person" and all of a sudden everything changed. I still had a rough time but things got better.

My daughter is one and I've been in charge of setting her sleep schedules from the beginning. I think it's made me more obsessive - especially at the beginning. Every nap was paramount. I still obsess about her sleep but more so now because her waking me up causes a snowball to start rolling. God I want to be through this. I have this amazing life just waiting for me to jump back in. Like I said, I'm really doing better but I want to be through with all this crap. I have more days than not where I believe that I'll get better. That I will be a good sleeper again and this period will pass. I just feel like a fawn on new legs - very wobbly. I keep getting spooked.

I may reach out to you from time to time if that's alright. I read your success story back in October's archives and that's why I decided I needed to ask your advice.

Thanks so much again Tom -

Molly

Follow Ups:

• Re: A question for Tom-N-Texas Tom-N-Texas 19:18 1/24/05 (0)

Copyright ©1995-2005 Sleepnet.com., All rights reserved