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Sleep Fear (Again)

Posted by Onat on January 25, 2005 at 08:39:14:

Hi...I've been on this forum several times trying to find help for myself and trying to help others. I have an irrational morbid fear of sleep. I've had that fear since 17 (I will turn 30 this year). I dread the fact that I will be "unconcious" for an extended period of time. I know all the rational things: I am safe, my body is still functioning, etc., etc., but none of this helps. Some nights I have a slight anxiety, some nights a full scale panic attack. I have been putting small objects in my bed or even in my pjs that would poke me during the night so I would wake up. When I wake up and realize everything is OK and I have "survived" the deepest and "worst" part of sleep and light sleep and the morning are closer, I feel calmer and sleep better. Plus, for the past nine months I have been sleeping with my boyfriend which has helped. Just feeling his presence next to me calms me down. Plus, he is an uneasy sleeper, so when he tosses and turns, I wake up and as I mentioned above that makes me feel better.

However, I want this problem out of my life once and for all. It is crippling my life. Now I dread the nights if my boyfriend is not sleeping with me. I can hardly stay overnight at friend's houses. My family lives abroad and whenever it is time to visit them, I go through a month (if not more) long agony because the sleep problem is exasurbated because of jet lag (I go through longer periods of sleeplessness and I am tired meaning I will sleep deeper meaning I am scared off my pants). This sleep issue is turning a pleasant experience of seeing my family and vacationing into agony. I try to avoid visits and both my family and I get upset over this.

At this point, I can hardly sleep if I am on my own. I always had sleeping issues even when I was a kid. I used to sleep with my mom until I was 8 and then with my dad until I was 10. There was always trauma associated with sleep--I had to sleep alone but I couldn't and my parents would get angry at me, etc., etc., so I figure this might be the reason behind my current fear. Regardless of the reason, I want a cure. Half of my life has been filled with sleep fear. I want to be able to be tired and go to bed on my own without any objects in the bed, close my eyes and say "Thank God I am going to sleep deeply like a baby now." I am willing to seek professional help even though my current health insurance does not cover mental healt and the therapist costs are in the $100s. Maybe I should cough up the money and get this thing over with once and for all. I tried therapy before and it has not helped me. I have not tried medication, maybe that's the answer.

Can anybody please help? I feel desperate.

Thanks in advance.

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