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Re: How to change after 12 years of it?

Posted by Brightonbelle on October 04, 2005 at 09:52:59:

In Reply to: Re: How to change after 12 years of it? posted by sunflower on October 04, 2005 at 04:54:53:

Dear Sunflower

Thank you so much for your reply. FINALLY I have found someone who specifically understands what I am going through. I didn't know how much it would help just to know someone else was out there.

I think your attitude is absolutely right but I do have some reservations about this 'I'm going anyway' approach.

Firstly, I don't think I have any anxiety in social situations. I am a fairly confident person and used to love socialising. In fact, I think it was excitement about the next day, rather than anxiety that started all this in the first place. I have always imagined that it started through 'overanticipating' the following day. This turned into a habit, then an obsession until I simply became scared of the not sleeping. Hence I ended up stayed awake because of the fear of not sleeping, not the excitement of the next day.

Secondly, although I don't ever plan things, when there is an event I cannot hide from I generally do go anyway. (And suffer the horror like that of Christmas which you describe). So I don't think my unconscious is trying to allow me to get out of going.

What I usually do on the days before is to convince myself that I'm not going to go, or that it will be boring anyway, and make a point of telling people 'I may not be able to come'. This actually works sometimes. If I can convince myself that the next day will be boring anyway, I can sometimes fool my unconscious.

I can never, ever allow myself to be excited about the next day. While I know this is the next step to normality, my dilemma is that I know that too much excitement can keep anyone awake; even the best sleeper can miss a night when s/he is too excited.

I would be really grateful for for your input on this. You are the only person I have ever come across with the same problem. If you would like to ask me anything, or if I can help in any way do not hesitate to ask.

Brightonbelle

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