Posted by Tom-N-Texas on February 24, 2006 at 18:17:45:

I've had this gentle sermon stirring in me for a long time..I've debated posting this but I can no longer deny the truth that I have. I believe it's the truth, it's inspired by God...and I've had an desire to share it. The laws of God and nature cannot be argued against. They are as constant as the stars in the sky. Obviously I can't provide you with a magic formula for beating your insomnia. But what I can provide you with are some unique ingredients for changing your mindset. I'm sorry this is so insanely long...but I've tried to get everything in. I may not be posting much here in the future because my life has moved on from where it once was. I can't imagine being able to contribute anything that's not in this post.

This post is actually the re-wording and re-working of many of my assorted journal entries that span several months. I'm purposefully posting this on friday evening because I'm not necessarily looking for any discussion or debate, I'm just looking to inform and enlighten people who are still in the dark and looking for answers. Like the entries it was composed from, this is nothing but a personal account of what I believe. Like many of you, I've lived a life trapped in the cycle of fear, depression and panic. This is simply what I've learned about escaping it. There is alot of information here, but I don't think it would be beneficial to rush through it. In fact, I have buried in the debths of this post what I believe to be THE reason for insomnia. It's a powerful enlightenment of truth that you've probably never considered before. And by learning the real CAUSE of your situation, you may be able to do something constructive to reverse it. This hypothesis is something I've been narrowing down for months...but I think I've finally hit on it. But aside from that, this post has many twists and turns, as it combines the physical, the mental, the spiritual and the emotional. But....in the end all roads will eventually converge.

The past several years I have seen the plain, simple truth unfold right before my eyes. As I go forward, I see this thing more and more clearly. But this is only after many many nights of being awake, alone, and hopeless. Many nights I would cry out to God for turning away from me in my time of need and allowing this terrible thing to happen to me over and over again.

Why did God abandon me?......

Back when I wasn't sleeping I used to pray every night for help to sleep. Well, to my sorrow and amazement this almost never worked. This devestated me because as a Christian I truly believed in God's promise that if you asked for something, you'd receive it. It truly saddened and sickened me that God wouldn't help me in my most dire hour of need. My soul ached for His help. But the problem was I was blinded by the whole premise of my plea: Which is....I can't be helped to sleep.... Looking back, I know that I shouldn't have been expecting God -- or anything else -- to do it for me. Why? Because this isn't how he DESIGNED me! I can't expect God to break the natural laws he's set in place to govern His creation. (He didn't stop Adam and Eve from eating the apple....likewise he won't stop me from choosing the wrong path.) Our bodies were hardwired by God to GIVE IN to sleep....not to be made or HELPED to sleep. With this in mind, the best you can do is simply relinquish any and all efforts of trying to go to sleep -- and instead let God's natural way take over. Since you cannot make yourself sleep, you simply have to put your life into the hands of His original design. This should take the pressure off because not only will you realize that you don't have the ABILITY to make yourself go to sleep, but you do not have the RESPONSIBILITY either! And if you believe this your brain should be able to physically and mentally relax, because you're surely doing the natural and right thing, as witnessed through the ages.

But eventually I found the value of getting my feelings down on paper. In a way it was a process of untangling my inner emotions. Eventually I realized that God had neither caused my insomnia nor wished it on me....but in the laws of nature that He created, he allowed it. I suppose I could have continued to be angry at God for not making me an exception to his rules, but I eventaully began to see my own responsibility in the whole mess.

With this in mind, let's quickly reexamine some of the traditional insomnia remedies that are most often cited. Upon further inspection, this is an interesting and provocative list...Here are just a few: Get plenty of sunshine, eat right, get adaquate exercise, drink warm milk (think infancy), get your vitamins, do not look at the clock at night, laugh, listen to music, reduce computer time, take baths, no caffeine, eliminate processed carbs, practice deep breathing, etc. While I don't believe any of these necessarily have the power to cure a bad case of insomnia on their own, I do find this list very interesting because they all have one thing common. Know what it is???? .......Well the answer is they're all things that try to get you back to a simple life...the type of natural life I believe God intended for us. Please go back and re-read that list....It's the epitome of living in a prior centurty...before MTV and processed foods and credit cards and divorce. Or if you want to go back even further, it's like living in the Garden of Eden. I believe these insomnia remedies which have been bandied about for decades have been cherry-picked from a much broader context.....which, to me says that overcoming sleep problems usually requires getting your life back to simple...both mentally, physically and spiritually. I believe this mindset -- and this way of life -- will not only get you back, but will take you far.

How to bring light into your life....

God said in Genesis that he created light. In Isaiah He said, "I form light and darkness, I make peace and evil." Hmmm...interesting to me that the source of all light also creates darkness! And how is this done????? --- By withdrawing some of the light. Similarly the source of peace, harmony and love creates evil by the withdrawal of these things. Darkness, as we know, is the abscence of light. So, to me, the answer to overcoming the darkest days of your life is simply to start shining a light on your being.

So how do you that? You have to figure out how to return to happiness. I believe this is a conscious decision. Sometimes you even have to TRY to be happy. But I believe this will pay off because whether you know it or not, your moods effect everyone around you. When other people sense your sadness they treat you differently. In the short run this may not necessarily be a bad thing because we all need special attention occasionally. However over the course of months or years, this scenerio of sadness will turn your relationships toxic. A spouse who once was very loving and supportive, over time will sour on you. This is nothing against your spouce....this reaction is only human nature. It's exhausting to be around someone who's constantly miserable.

I remember I had this revelation back when I started changing my ways. I'll never forget the day it finally dawned on me to quit telling my wife how bad I felt. It was a great new challenge that I placed on myself. It wasn't easy -- and some days I had to fake my way through it -- but I absolutely noticed a difference a change in her and in our relationship.

You may be saying, "well I feel like I'm lying to myself by doing this....and it doesn't feel sincere" To me, though, it's no different than a host of other things you do on a regular basis. For instance, when you go to work each day, do you just wake up and walk out the door as is? No! First you shower, shave, put on nice clothes, a spray of colongne, and a smile (on a good day). You do this so you look and perform your best. Are you LYING? No, of course not. You're simply making the best of yourself -- even on a crappy day -- which is what you should be doing at home with your family as well.

By ending the circle of sadness and misery you'll secretly be affecting how other people view and treat you. For me this was a great first step to rejoining society and feeling less like a freak. Simply by acting normal and pleasant, my mind quickly began to believe more and more that I actually was.

being thankful....

Thankfulness is not an easy attitude to develop, especially when you're life has been turned upside down and is no longer recognizable. It's even harder when there's emotions such as anger, sadness, and frustration to overcome. But I dealt with my anger, sadness and frustration in a way that worked for me: I got it all out on paper. I've been keeping a journal for the past 3 + years. Not every day...but at least a few days a week. Writing has become my way of identifying and letting go of my damaging emotions. I've written numerous letters to various people in my life that have never left the top drawer of my desk. I've also written to God numerous times venting my anger and disappointment in Him for allowing all this terrible stuff to happen to me. Since highschool I have believed that God is knowable in a personal way...and that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. But I did become angry at God for all that had happened to my life. He could have protected me but he didn't. He could have helped me but he didn't. He could have picked me up and carried me but he didn't. I knew that I didn't want to be angry at him because I loved him -- but I couldn't help myself. My life had was almost not worth living and it seemed I had virtually nothing to be thankful for. But I wasn't looking hard enough. If I had been observant I would have noticed that my heart kept beating for me...yet I never thanked it. I would have noticed that my lungs kept breathing and my organs kept functioning...but I never thanked them. I would have noticed my spirit still had hope...but I never thanked it. I would have noticed God still had love for me...but I never thanked Him. Nowdays I try to find a quiet place and give thanks for my life and my family and my experiences. I'm thankful that I'm alive and getting to witness all of creation. Living a life of thankfulness creates happiness...and happiness creates peace, well-being and good health....all of which will help you sleep.

breathing....

Breathing is THE most healthy thing we can do for our bodies. Interestingly it says in Genesis 2 that God has BREATHED life into us. I think it's no accident that many people suggest laughing or deep breathing if you have sleep problems. Laughing rejuvinates your being with a new woosh of life-giving air! Not only that but laughing can lower blood pressure, reduce anxiety and even physically heal sometimes. Have you ever laughed so hard that your ribs and your stomach hurt? Has it been a while? I believe that laughing has the ability to wash away some of the bad emotions you've been storing in your gut. I'm sure we've all experienced that sickening feeling in the pit of our stomach when we can't get to sleep at night. I believe laughing and breathing deep is a natural antecdote to this.

how changing my breathing saved me.....

Over the past few years I have grown to rely on a little breathing technique. It was one of the most important things to ovecoming insomnia. At first I thought it was just a crutch or a fluke that it actually helped me. But the more I think about it, it absolutely goes beyond that. It's a bit difficult to describe but I like to describe it as "exhaling through the top of my head" or "filling my head up with air when I breath"...or something similar to that effect. (Sometimes exhaling and softly whispering "aaaaaaah"...may give it a more pronounced effect) The end result, though would be that you're relaxing all the inner membranes of your brain when you breathe. There is something about a brain that is PHYSICALLY relaxed that helps it relax mentally. (It happens the other way around as well)

Let me make a quick correlation. This is an important concept, so read carefully. I used to have condition called "Chronic Prostatitis." This is an inflammation of the prostate...which is often very painful and irreversable. There are many theories out there about how and why this condition arises. But finally after decades of men suffereing in pain, a wonderful book came out called "A Headache in the Pelvis." This book describes how many men (and women) subconciously hold and/or squeeze their pelvic muscles on a regular basis, especially in times of stress, fear or worry. Think of it this way. When you urinate, your pelvic muscles relax. When you stop urination your pelvic muscles tense up. Well this tensed up, tight feeling is how many people hold their pelvic floor on a regular basis...which over time creates undue tightning and pressure, ultimately cutting off bloodflow to the tissues and organs in your lower pelvic area. Similarly, some men who have big bellies have a subconcious habit of sucking their tummies in when they walk around, obviously for vanity reasons. This, they say, can also can contribute to prostatitis. Ultimately, many men who have had this concept brought to their attention were able to change their physical habits and reverse their condition, even after years of pain.

So what does this have to do with sleep? I've noticed the same exact thing goes on in your brain. When you lay down to go to sleep, it's virtually impossible to sleep if your brain is physically TENSED up....maybe think of it as "UP TIGHT" or "SUCKED IN" Only when you physically let go and regularly BREATHE LIFE into the tissues of your brain will it be able to fully relax and function properly. Think of this as "RELAXED" or "OUT." Remember how I said to try to exhale through the top of your head? By doing so, you're essentially doing the same thing as relaxing your pelvic muscles when you urinate. There's a relaxation response that allows you to sleep, just like there's a relaxation response that loosens tight muscles allows you to urinate. When your brain is "sucked in tight" your body will not function properly, bloodflow will be diminshed to your brain, and sleep will be difficult, if not impossible. (Imagine trying to urinate with your pelvic muscles tensed up and your pelvic floor sucked in....it can't physically happen!)

But did you ever notice how when you're stressed out or worried or have negative feelings that it's difficult to yawn and get sleepy? That's because these are not unrelated. Remember the prostatitis sufferers? When they're stressed or worried they have a tendency to tense up their pelvic floor. We're no different really...We just tense up our nervous systems and our cranial cavities. But it's not just worry and stress. It's other negative emotions as well that interfere with your natural ability to yawn and get sleepy. Things like guilt, anger, fear, and sadness, all effect our sleep in a negative way. Remember, thoughts are powerful. Thoughts can effect you physically.

the magic of a harmonica.....

Exercise accomplishes the same thing as the breathing technique I was talking about......As does singing or even playing a wind instrument. In fact, I'd say that playing a wind instrument (I'm partial to the harmonica) may be one of the very best things you can do to help rejuvinate those tissues and membranes in your brain that have been choked lately from a lack of oxygen, bloodflow, and mental harmony. I believe a regularly-played harmonica could maybe even cure your insomnia! As an experiment, try blowing into your hands like it's 10 degrees outside and you're trying to warm them up. Blow quite forcefully several times in a row..... Feel the blood rushing to you head after a second or two? Try doing it for 2 or 3 minutes....10 minutes!! Do you feel your brain relax afterwards? It's like a warm embrace from a long lost friend. Amazingly God gave us a breathing technique that accomplishes the same thing; it's a natural prelude to sleep that relaxes us and breathes oxygen into and massages our brains-- we call it a yawn. It helps ready us for sleep.

I remember when I was a kid I used to impress my friends by making my face turn beet red by holding my breath and forcing blood up into my head for a minute or two. Well this breathing technique is similar to that except you're using air, not blood. And also you certainly don't force anything or do anything that feels unnatural or uncomfortable....you just simply relax and let your brain tissues contract outwards.

But relaxing, indeed, is so much more than the physical. I believe your mind relaxes completely when it senses you're doing the right thing. Think back to when you were kid. Did you ever catch bugs and then promptly squash or experiment on them? I used to do that. But I eventually learned that setting the creature free was much kinder, and I instantly felt much better about myself. Doing so created a sense of peace. It's the same nowdays when I sing a favorite song or teach my kids right from wrong each night before bed. There's an inner peace that emerges from the soul. Hugs and laughing and caring and giving and praying and telling someone you love them all do this as well. A joyful rush of emotion sweeps over your entire self. It's a feeling that tells us we've come home. Everyone has felt it at some time or other. It's that magical place where the physical and the spiritual join.

Ok. The reason for insomnia...

After examining my own life, as well as reading countless other stories on Sleepnet, I've come to the conclusion that most cases of insomnia are result of one simple thing. It's something that everyone overlooks. In fact I've never even seen it mentioned here -- or anywhere else as an actual cause for insomnia. What's more, I believe the reason that many people find it difficult to cure themselves is because they unknowingly stoke insomnia's fire with their chosen remedy(s). I've been playing around with this hypothesis for a while...but now I'm convinced that the biggest underlying cause for inomnia is uncertainty!

Yes, Uncertainty. Think about it.... How many times have we read on here that people who are going through a major change in life have insomnia? Change, in itself is harmless. But it's the UNCERTAINTY of big changes that become problematic. Personally I started having insomnia when I began building a house. My life was changing forever because we had just purchased a large piece of property and were building the home we'd live in till we die. But it wasn't the CHANGE that was causing my insomnia, it was the uncertainty. This resulted from me personally taking on the challenge -- and costs -- of building the house myself -- an event that caused GREAT and overwhelming uncertainty. Other people have uncertainty about the future of their schools, jobs, marriages, health, finances, and other things.

And to make matters worse, what happens when someone newly diagnoses himself with insomnia? Well the uncertainty is just freaking beginning! How do I start? What do I take? What time do I go to bed? Should I go to a doctor? Will this kill me? Will I ever sleep again? What about this pill?...that pill? You know the drill. Each one stings like a quick jab in the gut.

It's indesputable, really. Insomnia is a simply MIND GAME of uncertainty. Uncertainty absolutely makes the fire of insomnia rage out of control. It makes your heart beat fast and it gives you a pit in the debths of your belly. To me, the only thing that makes sense is to attempt to END the uncertainty in your life. Will SR do this? CBT? I don't know.....But what I can say is if you show me someone who has overcome his/her insomnia, I'll show you someone who has learned to eliminate uncertainty. If you read the posts on here from people who have cured themselves, they are all absolutely sure of themselves.

I would even go so far to say that uncertainty is even a stronger emotion than fear. This is because fear is CAUSED by uncertainty. If you don't believe this, then ask yourself these next two questions: 1) If you were certain, and believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were finally making the RIGHT choices regarding your sleep, would your fear not subside? 2) If you were certain that you would sleep would you still be scared? I rest my case. Uncertainty is stronger than fear....and a sense of certainty will absolutely bring peace inside you again. The mental games will be over.

If you are having insomnia, my most important piece advice would be to once-and-for-all put an end to your uncertainty. If you are taking a pill against your better judjement, then you still are living with uncertainty. If you are trying some kind of rehab and it somehow feels wrong, you've got uncertainty. If you are re-thinking your bedtime, you've got uncertainty. If you're pondering a sleep clinic, but are afraid of the costs -- or you're afraid you won't go to sleep -- you've got uncertainty. If you're visiting a psychotherapist and you're not crazy, then you've got uncertainty. This sort of thing has got to end if you ever want to get better.

I submit from this day forward that you take an oath just to knock it all off. If you don't sleep for 5 nights in a row (like I have) then so be it. But the charade has got to end.

Of course, turning off uncertainty won't happen overnight. Old habits are hard to break. New ways of thinking are not always natural feeling. But you have to practice....Like being happy, it's a concious decision.

what to do about buried emotions.....

Sometimes fears, emotions and uncertainty are buried deep inside you. I remember when I was having my insomnia, the moment I had a concious thought or fear about not sleeping, my lower STOMACH muscles would suddenly tense up and I'd get a sickening feeling. Over time my stomach became physically unable to relax because I was so chronically nervous. Many people have several years of pent-up emotions that are stored deep in their gut. There's really nowhere for the body to put these emotions so it simply burys them in the deepest caverns of your being, making it easier for you to not think about them.

So how do you rid your body of these poisonous emotions and fears? Well there's lots of stuff you can try on the mental front: Praying, meditating, writing a journal, etc. But there's also a few things you can do physically. One being regular exercise...another being regular relaxation....and another (the most powerful in my opinion) is Colon Hydrotherapy, which is a gentle cleansing of your bowel and intestinal tract with warm water.

Now this is not a topic that's usually thrown around at social gatherings, but maybe it should be. If at first this sounds ridiculous, please keep in mind that I do have backup for my assertions. First of all, it's been performed for thousands of years -- and for good reason. Peoples of ancient Greece, Egypt, Babylonia, India, and China were all very versed in this practice. Even Louis XIV used enema over 2000 times in his lifetime to keep himself healthy, as it was well-known to be a remedy for many diseases and conditions. However, nowdays things have changed and people have turned a blind eye to the importance of this treatment, choosing instead to put their faith in the medical establishment.

But Colon Hydrotherapy (or even a home enema) is a natural relaxer. It brings a sense of calm. And not only is it cleansing physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well. After finding this treatment I must say that my sleep improved at least 30%...which was not an expected outcome since my sleep had already improved. I was not looking for -- nor was was I expecting -- a sleep-enhancer But for me it seems to promote a more relaxing, less interupted sleep. My night awakenings diminished considerably. Returning to sleep also became easier.

But the magic of regular hydrotherapy goes deeper than just creating calmness...it actually can take you back to a simpler time....a time before insomnia...a time before your life got complicated. By ridding your body of years of stored toxins you are physically releasing what your body has been holding on to. The gut which once held so much emotion is able finally able to relax. Many people experience elation and sheer joy for the first time in years after a sessions or two. Some people have the opposite reaction: they cry for the first time in years. Sometimes anger comes out. Sometimes vivid reflections of old memories.

But the improvement of my sleep was undeniable. Please check it out for yourself. Go to Google and type in "Benefits of colon hydrotherapy" and see what you find. Many many natural health practioners promote this as a great way to promote good health and inner calm. Also investigate coffee enemas, as they are very healing as well.

Personally I went to a series of Colon Hydrotherapy sessions....I would definately give it 2 or 3 sessions to give your body a chance at improvement. You can also do home (1quart enema) if there is an issue with modesty or finanaces. Enema bags are sold in virtually every drug store or pharmacy. Please do research and learn about enemas before attempting. It's quite easy, but it does take some instruction.

conclusion....

In concert with ridding uncertainty and getting back to a simple life, there needs to be a simultaneous spiritual release of everything in life that's feels wrong to your soul. Anything that's poisoning your life either mentally or physically needs to be eliminated so you can get back to the place you once were when this thing started. For some this may mean some life-alterations such as changing jobs or residences or circumstances. For others it may be as simple as returning to their regular routines and getting their nose out of insomnia books (like it was for me). Nowdays I like to get back to nature. I love to "ground" myself. I love planting in the garden and gettting dirt all over me. I love sticking my feet in the cool dirt. I love consuming produce from my garden. I love exercising outside and being in the sun. I love hugging my kids and kissing my wife. I love praying and thanking the One who allows me to continue being here. But I don't do this stuff so I'll sleep. I do this stuff because it fulfills me.

To me, in order to untie the knot of insomnia, we need to get back to the place where we're off our medications -- a place where we get on with laughing, smiling and doling out hugs. We need to resume doing things that make us feel happy, relaxed and back to normal. We need to no longer put our faith in other people's visions or generic cures because those could never help someone as unique and different as each of us are. Instead put our faith in the One who breathed life into us and shines His light upon us. The One who's fingerprints are in our very genes. We are the result of his creation. It's for this reason we should look no further than how he designed us to untangle our sleep issues.

Earlier I shared how devestated I was that God wouldn't help me in my most dire hours. Well it's 4 years on now, and I believe I've received all the help I'll ever need. Granted, I wasn't cured as quickly as I would have hoped, but looking back I can see the genius of the wonderful plan He created. In the end, my problem was uncertainty compounded with fear and more uncertainty. My brain used to dart back and forth between possibilities....all the while my cure was most certainly in me. Tom

Follow Ups:

• Re: The Mother of all Posts scartwink 10:36 2/27/06 (0)
• Re: The Mother of all Posts Cairo 03:59 2/27/06 (0)

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