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"Worst that can happen" philosophy

Posted by Janet on June 07, 2006 at 08:36:52:

One of the beliefs or suggestions I see offered on this forum devised to allay fear and anxiety about insomnia is that "the worst thing that can happen if you don't sleep tonite, is you'll be tired, with an altered mood the next day, but you'll get through it." This is true to a certain extent and I think can be quite soothing to certain individuals in certain situations. However, this type of thinking fell short for me when I first encountered severe insomnia about 10 yrs ago. Circumstances required me to change jobs; give up my comfort zone and learn a demanding complex nursing speicality as well as change the shift I'd been working all my life to the day shift. The immense stress I felt in learning my new job and performing well wreaked havoc on my sleep. I felt so pressured to sleep well and perform well, that it backfired and I stopped sleeping. The effects of the sleepless nights grew cumulative as did my anxiety. I would go to work so fatigued and anxious that I found myself voiding constantly with dry mouth....sometimes vomiting bile on break in the BR from nerves and exhaustion. My mental state grew so bad that I couldn't keep up the 8 wk orientation of my new job. I eventually bowed out of the program and luckily got my old postion back with medical benefits (the lack of which originally caused me to leave the job). It took me several months, even ater I was back in my old job and schedule to feel somewhat "normal again." I suffered panic attacks and my sleeping took several weeks to get back on track. This unfortuate experience has lingered with me and causes me to be fearful and hesitant of making any changes in my life. I thus choose stagnation and familarity opposed to re-entering that nightmarish hell I encountered in the event a new job disrupts my sleep again.
So, that "What's the worst that can hppen philosphy" may hold very true for an individual who works at home, a SAHM, or a person who can "get by" on their job with little or no sleep. My situation did not allow that.

I still suffer intermittently with insomnia and continue to require a small piece of ambien most nights to feel functional and well the next day; but the worst effect of my insomnia has been to instill a fear of change in me. I think that's what makes me angriest about this monster insomnia which is fueled by my own neurosis. Can anyone relate?

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