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Posted by kimber on February 23, 2007 at 19:37:57:I always promised I'd return to this site when I found my answers.
First, I'd like to say we are not all alike. I got a panic attack at night and developed a fear of insomnia. Being on this website did not help, it only added to my obsession and fear and searching for answers. If you are searching for answers and also getting triggered by peoples descriptions, you may not want to continue on this site. I will not scare you with my story and what helped.
First I had to recognized I had an anxiety disorder and fear over insomnia, insomnia was not my problem, it was fear. Repetitive behavior at night did help me but there is not one thing in particular that will work all the time, so if one night, your calming tapes dont work, they may the next. Do not be so black and white in what helps, nothing works 100% all the time.
One thing that helped me was repeating, this is just anxiety over & over, or listening to a tape cd with low talking on relaxing techniques, not necessarily sleep cd's. I went through a whole slue of those to find the right one, and I have 3-4 that I listened to over and over and still hear new messages. Jon Kabat Zinn is good. I always try to exercise every day...well...as best as I can, and reading before bed is good. I never did any of the reccomendations, like getting up. One thing I know, is that if you dont sleep and you fear not sleeping then every time you dont sleep, your fear will lessen some, as your fear lessens, you will relax more. Its a process that is different for everyone, and you will get through it.
As for taking any pills, something I was always against in my past (for anything - including childbirth), I got this lid, on the right I put a remeron, on top an ambien, on the left a benzodiapien like zanax. I decided what I was allowed per week. 1/4 of a remeron, 1 ambien, 1 benzo.
I took small pieces if necessary, if I didnt use them all, it stock piled. I basically dont use much of anything anymore.
I do want to tell you I was so scared from insomnia I thought I was trying to harm myself, or drive my self crazy on purpose for some reason, I didnt think I'd make it. I was terrified.
I think many of you reading this make thing I'm extreme, and I was, but I also promised, myself, that I'm sure I'm not that unusual and I would go back to this site and tell you what I did.
In the past I'd be locked in obsession of fear over this website, looking for answers.....
There is no answer you can get when your scared, your answer is inside you, you have all your own answers, and sometimes that answer is your afraid, and you need to face that fear and find your own solution and trust yourself again.
I could have an expert tell me nothing was wrong with me...but a "what if" would come up and it would start again.
anyways, I hope this help someone with a similar experience, I will not look on this site again.
I sleep perfectly almost everynight and have been for a few years now, no drugs, but am not opposed to taking 1/4 ambien or tad of this or that, or more at stressful times.
I still get anxiety but not about sleep, and its all a blessing, because I have learned so much. It was a hard lesson, but I swore if I pulled through this then I would do what I could for others.
Currently I am 44 and have 3 younger kids, own a business, I'm a professional and high achiever, this has really knocked me down to reality. I was a perfectionist in myself and the ramifications of that was feeling I lost all control. Sleep was big for me, sometimes i slept 10 hours everynight, I could sleep through my husband yelling about something, I could sleep thought being upset. I was in CONTROL. Then boom, I was reduced to a crushed piece of crap. But, the blessing has been being able to see a bigger dimension of humanity, beyond success and control.
Let go of that, be ok where your mind goes and does, it is teaching you something. yes, you can slip in tiny bits of pills to ease into it, or not, but either way, you will need to face the depths, and once you do that for a while, and you get past the fear and newness of it, you will find your true intelligence. hurray for insomnia.
bless you & bless me!!
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