Posted by F43 on July 25, 2007 at 17:48:31:In Reply to: Re: Have I ruled everything out? posted by moonatic on July 24, 2007 at 18:36:16:
moonatic: Thank you for acknowledging my loss and for your perceptive comments. I've had severe depression and early-morning awakening, but this resolved before my parents' deaths. I am very clear that I'm not currently depressed, but I have seen a therapist for the last four years (and would not have gotten through this time without her support).
I suspect what I'm experiencing is a combination of loss and grieving, and immense frustration and spinning my wheels with the prison I've put myself in for the last eight years (a PhD that has been unsupportive, isolating, and unfulfilling). (I think you're right about some of us being wired to be more sensitive to arousal and stress.)
It's occurred to me that one way to view my insomnia is as a gift: i.e. it's a clear signal from my mind/body/emotions that I am very unhappy and need to make some distinct changes in my life. I've known for eight years that this career choice and circumstances is wrong for me, but I've persisted because I want the degree. I suspect that I will have the insomnia until I make the changes I need. (But I take note of your advice not to change anything unless I'm sure it's affecting sleep. Wise.)
And yes, patience...it's great to be reminded of this.
Thank you. Janet