Re: Overactive Mind
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Re: Overactive Mind

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Posted by lulubelle on March 13, 2009 at 12:34:05:

In Reply to: Re: Overactive Mind posted by F43 on March 13, 2009 at 10:26:35:

For me the healing was facilitated by several things. First and foremost was being very gentle with myself. Before that, I pushed myself pretty hard, and I had to give up the need to be perfect. I had to allow myself to be just as I was.
Ultimately, I had to let go of fixing myself and surrender to the process and flow of life. This was pretty painful because the flow wasn't something I would have chosen, but as long as I fought it, I could not find any peace.
I meditated (something I haven't been able to do since my Mom got sick) and through that was able to get in touch with my essential being-the part that is not linked to performance or looks or even my thoughts. I realize this may sound pretty out there, and as someone who treasured hard facts and double blind studies, I was the last person on earth to think that would heal me. I looked at that essence as my soul, and the more I focused on it, the more at peace I became.
In the end I just needed to stand still and pay attention, to stop judging everything, to stop trying to fix everything, and to love and accept myself and the world around me.
It took a long time, and it was very gradual. I also did art work during this period. The art itself was just one step above stick figures, but I was amazed at how drawing seemed to access the part of me that had no words to express itself.
I also love the term mysterious-you are absolultely right, and I have become much more interested in the mysteries of life and death, and less enamored with the "hard facts". Sometimes healing is a mysterious process and one that takes a long time-sometimes even a lifetime.
I think you wrote me a post back in August about radical acceptance. I reread that recently, and it helped me reframe my present experience with sleep. As I deal with the sleep issues and grief, all of these issues of control and fixing and performance anxiety have came back full force. It's taking me a little less time to get back on track this go round. Maybe by the time I'm 80, I'll have it down.

Good luck to you with your PhD-I think you will be a great asset to wherever you go. I love your idea of having medical students read this forum, I have thought the same myself.

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