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Posted by ruby on August 09, 2001 at 07:47:19:In Reply to: Re: ambien addiction posted by sleepychick on August 08, 2001 at 13:59:27:
I feel so much better already… I hate to use such a cliché, but knowing I'm not the only one that feels this way helps so much (though I wouldn't wish this on anyone!) Telling someone is such a relief. After I read your words, sleepychick, I really felt strong and confident. I knew I could do it. I held that resolve into the evening - I relaxed, was very tired and planned on getting to bed early. The power went out, so I had perfect opportunity to go to sleep. Unfortunately, no lights also meant no fans, and with the temp being in the 90's, no air. I could not sleep and I caved in frustration. It's just too easy. On the bright side, though, I don't think the meds worked, I can tell by the quality of sleep I had. So maybe I can do it, I just have to hold out longer. I thought about putting the meds someplace inconvenient, like outside in the car or in the basement, so I'd really have to need one badly to be willing to go get it.
Thank you so much for your insight and support. I'm intrigued by your suggestion of therapy and insomnia being linked to other issues. I can see that now, but I guess I never really thought about it before. I agree that talking to someone can be amazingly helpful, as it helped me greatly during some very dark days in the past. Ironically though, things are looking pretty darn good right now, at least on paper. Maybe now that the major issues are in the past, I should address all those little "ankle-biter" problems, the least of which being this dependence.
For a few months while marathon training, I cut back dramatically on the ambien and felt a lot better. I'm not sure how it came back, but I suspect it started with sleeping away from home and escalated from there. I know on an intellectual level that yes, I can get by on a few hours of light sleep, even for many nights in a row. But I don't really believe it, because I really feel rotten without good sleep. I'm cranky and irritable, and of course, very tired. It affects me physically, my job performance and personal relationships. The fear, then, takes over. I'm afraid NOT to take it, because if I lie there for hours and don't fall asleep (which seems to happen every time I try) it will be too late to take it, and I'll be tossing and turning all night. This being psychological, I thought I might try to trick myself with a placebo. I read an earlier posting where someone talked about having two meds by the bedside, one real and one fake, and taking one in the dark without knowing which. Maybe I'll try this. Getting up early and getting be bed somewhat late is also part of the problem, but I don't' see much of a way to change that. If I fell asleep as soon as I hit the pillow, I would get about 6-7 hours of sleep. I should be able to deal with that, and probably could, except that I don't fall asleep as soon as I hit the pillow, or any time soon after. Then I start to stress about it, then, well, you know what happens. Take the easy way out.
I realize that lots of you out there are worse off than me. Everything is relative. I will follow your advice again tonight and think of your words of support as I lie awake. No matter how hot, or how little air there is, I will not make any excuses. (it sounds so easy now…) THANK YOU AGAIN!
Oh, yes, about that "work" thing I'm supposed to be doing… better go.
- Re: to sleepychick sleepychick 08:59 8/09/01 (5)
- Re: to sleepychick ruby 12:29 8/09/01 (4)
- Re: to sleepychick sleepychick 12:55 8/09/01 (3)
- Re: to sleepychick Marie 22:00 8/09/01 (1)
- Re: to sleepychick sleepychick 07:19 8/10/01 (0)
- Re: to sleepychick ruby 13:12 8/09/01 (0)
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