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Does no one understand???

Posted by Starr D. Lacey on December 29, 2001 at 18:07:50:

Hello all, I often wonder what it is about this disease that makes other people so confused. I try to be understanding with those who know not what they are saying, or doing. For example, during the holiday, I visited my mothers side of the family, there were of course many family members who either had heard about my N, or those who have not. When talking with my step father, he decided to make a joke this is what he said, "don't you have to fall asleep or something?", I honestly try hard to take it as a joke, which I am sure is the way he intended it to be, but it is so hard. To me, that (above) is not amusing whatsoever. It enrages me as a matter of fact. Another common happening is when I go to the local grocery stores, or local shopping mall, I will be in the checkout line, and the checker or someone in the line will go, "what happened to your face? Did a cat scratch you?", I reluctantly try to be patient, and attempt to awnser them as if they were actually educated in the N. I will say, "I fell while having a narcoleptic attack", they will look at me and they will pretend to know hat I am talking about and then I will just stop and say, "do you know what narcolepsy is?", and they always without a doubt say, "no". Ugh... The main reason I feel the need to try to explain is because they will look at my friends with me and they will assume that either, #1 my boyfriend beat me, or #2 I am abused in some way, or even better, #3 I self mutilate myself. All of which I find honestly redicoulas. I totally do not mean to sit here and say that I know everything, nor that I am better.. or whatever. I am just having so many problems concerning my N/C. My face, arms, body look as if they have just been through a slicer and dicer. Before the N/C I only had about 2-3 scares on my entire body, now, there are so many I cannot even count them. My meds are so out of control its crazy.
They are as follows:
Adderall 60mg/day
Prozac 80mg/day
Provigil 800mg/day ( yes!!! 800mg)
Vivactil 20 mg/day

Nothing has even tainted my N/C. I feel so lame when I have to gp tp the pharmacy at 21 and the people who work there know me by first name... There are some times when I just want to run away from everything. For example, I will sit and wonder what it would be like to be in an environment were everyone had N. No one would look at each other like they were weird, or different.
I remember when I was younger and in high school, when I would get down or sad, I would always think of what it would be like if all of the people who were in band in the world were put on an island. It would be blissful utopia. I don't know, I guess I probably should look at things a with little bit more humor, it is just so hard. Sorry if I am depressing, it's just everything piles up over the holiday, and I just need to release the pressure to someone who actually understands, rather than my theripist who basically gets paid $100/ hour to sit there and laugh at me. Well, have a good New Year, I personally just hope that the year 2002 holds no more pain than I already have. Thanks for your time,

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