Narcolepsy Forum Posting

Posted by Starr on February 03, 2002 at 14:58:37:

In Reply to: Not Alone, We're here! posted by sleepykitty on February 02, 2002 at 13:55:40:

Thanks for the encouragement. A laugh definitely made me feel a little better. A monkey huh? I am not sure that my dogs would get along with a monkey. They have what my vet calls "separation anxiety" they have to have attention every minute if the day and night. They are silly in a good way. Well, I hope that I find a doc soon. These meds are not helping during the day, but they have the amazing effect to keep me up all night. Go figure. I know I SHOULD go to the movie, but I honestly am just not ready in least bit. Who knows, perhaps next week I will go. But, I doubt it. Just a little update on the whole 'star' obsession, I went and bought a whole case of them. That adds up to be 144 per package, and IO bought 45 packages. 6,480 stars in all. It would be a travisty if I were to actually use all of them before I die. The main reason is that I really never get a chance to go out. I need a personal driver. Wouldn't that be nice. I would walk, but the risk is still there. I got into a little arguement with a friend recently and I felt just like going out to the car a driving away. I always feel like going and getting in my car and just driving off into the sunlight. Where would I go? I have no idea. I probably couldn't make it there anyways, I have not driven since the N started. At about 10 attacks a day, I would bet that I would be right in saying that I would definitely get in a wreck, or worse. I remember when I was in band in high school, everyone in band was different. Not like the football, and other sporting event teams. I was a cheerleader in high schoold as well, you could think, " hmmm you were a cheerleader and in band?" YES, I was, however band was my number one at all times. Fortunately, I believe that I have been blessed in that I can learn and play any instrument. Serioulsy. I have always been able to just pick an instrument up, and in about a week I can play it perfectly. I went to state on my oboe, clarinet, flute, and trumphet. After high school I was invited into to Oklahoma State College Band, and joined, but it was different. Different in a bad way. It seems that my high school bandmates were in some sort of utopia when we were in class, or at a competitiom, anywhere really. And in college, it wasn't about the music, it was all about the clubs you were a part of. I remember my band teacher, Mr. Washburn, I miss him so much. He encouraged me when I felt so low. He always took the time to help and nurture me. I have the unfortunate luck in that I cannot find him. It's as if he just vanished off of the face of the earth. Recently I did locate a close friend of mine that was in band as well, and I told him about my N, he came over and visited me, then afterwards, never spoke to me again, or returned my calls. I am contiplating writing him a letter, just to see if I get a reply, or if he will just ignore it. I have been having lots of bad dreams about him, and thats not normal for his personality and kindness that I once knew while in high school. I have frequently thought of him when I was down, or saw a band. I guess people change, but I honestly never thought that he would. I believe in school he was madly in love with me. And I never gave him a chance to advance our friendship because I was afraid that I would lose him. Every day in school, (I went to a private school)when others would hurt me, and be rude, I could always depend on Jay to be there waiting for me in the band class, he just waited daily and greeted me every time with a tight hug and a "hello". That meant so much to me at that time. And I miss it so much. It seems a little silly when I think of it now. But I honestly think that the happiness that he once granted me, will be never more. And why? I just do not know. I do look different in that the whole college 10 came into my body, which isn't that big of a difference, plus true friends do not judge each other right? You know what, I think I will write him a letter after I post this message. I am sure you didn't want to hear about my high school years, but it was only 3 years ago, so it seems like it was just he other day. I know that when I initially spoke to him, he told me that he was trying to get a record deal. I have always told him since 9th grade that he is going to be a super star in music. He is so amazing, he can listen to a song once, then pick up his guitar and play it exactly perfect. And his voice is killer! So, I often sit and try to make excuses for why he hasn't called me, and not returned my calls. However, I am just about out of reasons. Now it comes to the "I guess he doesn't like me" reasons. I hope I do not sound pitiful, but this is just what popped into my mind. Thanks for listening (reading). Your a great and wonderful person and friend. Starr

Follow Ups:

• Re: Not Alone, We're here! sleepykitty 15:51 2/03/02 (0)

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