Posted by pellr on September 28, 2007 at 19:58:04:Hello!
My apologies if this question already has been answered. I made some searches, but I couldn't find anything quite matching the problems I'm experiencing.
The symptoms seem to occur most frequently during the last hours of sleep, right before waking up, though sometimes in the middle of the night as well.
It is rather difficult to describe the actual symptoms, as they feel really out of this world. Simply put, I find myself in a state of paralysis and with a kind of convulsive or electric sensation in my whole body. There is a tremendous amount of noise, or ringing sounds, which seems much louder than anything that could really be percieved in real life, accompained by an intense feeling of pressure in my ears and around or inside my head. There are also feelings of electrical shocks or extreme tension running through my body. Sometimes, but not always, there is a visual component to the symptoms as well, with bright sparkling patterns of light, seemingly located above my forehead.
My initial reaction is to try and move up into an upright position or roll of out bed, or trying to force it away using will power. This is actually the most frightful aspect of it; it seems that for every conscious action I try to take, like trying to move or just thinking or concentrating, the intensity of the sensations described above increases by magnitudes, and decrease again slowly only if I'm completely passive. This feeling of somehow being punished by my own body, is of course very frightful, and I feel very helpless. I've been through this numerous times, and I've learned that obviously, resistance is futile, and the only thing to do is to remain passive, but the fear and panic remains. It feels like my body is about to explode, and every time I'm absolutely conviced that I am going to die.
After maybe a few minutes - my sense of time is probably quite distorted, and it feels like an eternity each time - the symptoms gradually disappear, and I'm able to "jerk" myself out of the paralysis. Afterwards I feel very exhausted, but it sometimes takes hours before I get back to bed, out of fear. Not only the feeling of sleep deficiency remains the following day, but also a feeling of disconnection and fatigue.
The degree to which I'm conscious during the "seizures" seems to vary. In most cases, everything is very vivid and clear, and I feel very aware. When the symptoms finally subside, there is no real transition to the wakeful state. I'm also sometimes able to see the room around me during the symptoms. At other times, I'm in a more dreamlike state; everything is quite foggy, there are sensations of falling and flying around, and I remain asleep afterwards. I suppose this might just be some kind of dream representation of the seizures, considering that they are a very frightful element to me.
These "seizures" is not too frequent - at most once a month or so. Still, that's quite enough to instill quite a bit of anxiety. The first occurence that I can rembember was probably at the age of seventeen, which makes it five years ago.
I went to see my doctor about this a year and a half ago, and I explained to him just about the same that has been said above. I also expressed my concerns about the possibility of this being some form of epilepsy. I had an EEG scan (while awake only), which showed no signs of epilepsy. There was no real follow-up on it; I was told that there's nothing wrong with me, and I was offered a prescription of anti-depressants instead. Which I declined, as I strongly disageed with that diagnosis.
I do realize that the sensible thing to do in my situation probably would be to find a new doctor. Yet, and it somehow feels kind of naive to say it, my confidence for the medical profession has decreased quite a bit as of lately. The symptoms sound really intangible when I try to explain them, and I almost feel like I'm just making things up.
So I wonder, does anyone have any similar experiences, or just any general comments or thoughts about it?
Also, thank you for taking the time to read this rather long post!